THE FINAL DAY

Everyone has been asking if I am ready.  OF COURSE I AM!!!  Who wouldn't be ready for...

THE FINAL DAY OF CHEMOTHERAPY!!!!!!

Honestly, it was bitter sweet.  I have made so many life long friends there.  They are kind of like my old missionary companions.  I will probably never see them again, nor speak with them, but they are close to my heart all the time.  I love them.  They are some of my best friends because of the special bond that we share together.

There are so many people that I know deserve so much credit.  Tops on the list, of course, my beautiful wife, Miranda.  She has been my anchor through it all.  My family and friends, and those I don't even know that have been praying for me.  What an incredible support system I have had.  The doctors at Virginia Oncology Associates, the nurses (Noura in particular).  I have been so blessed.  The Lord Jesus Christ, before His crucifixion, told His apostles, "I will not leave you comfortless" as He promised them the companionship of the Holy Ghost.  Indeed, He has not left me comfortless!

Here is process that I went through for six months...

1.  I go to the "Vampire Cave" to get my blood taken by Laura and Jaime.  Always so happy.  I will always remember as I walked out from getting my blood taken, Jaime would say in her wonderful New York accent, "Be blessed."

  At the beginning of all this, they were able to take my blood without using the rubber tube because I had such great vascularity.  Well, as you can see, it's quite a different story.  I always bled fast.  I hope I never get shot!!

2.  I go to the back room, find a nice comfortable recliner and wait for Noura, my nurse.  She gets all the supplies, and then comes and sprays my chest with a very cold numbing spray so I don't feel the prick of the needles that are about to sit in my chest for two and half hours.  Here Noura is pushing the needle into my mediport.  Doesn't sound like fun, but I got used to it. 

And here is the end result.  That little yellow looking butterfly thing that some say is cute is the instrument they used to slowly kill me every other week for six months!  Not so pretty and sweet anymore!  But it saved my life, so you win some, you lose some.

3.  I quickly assume position - recline, blanket, relax.  Miranda and I usually played UNO during the first 45 minutes to an hour or so, and then all of a sudden, what you see before you is how I would spend the rest of the time.  It's so weird.  I would be totally awake, and then all of the sudden, in the middle of a conversation or a game, I am totally gone!

As Miranda and I walked out of the chemo appointment, I stopped in the middle of the parking lot, and with what strength I had, lifted my hands high in the air, and screamed at the top of my lungs, "I AM DONE!!!"

Back to the GYM

It certainly has been a long time!  And my body is feeling it now!  But it is so good to get in the gym and sweat again!  I am going to a local facility, Jim's Gym.  It's a great place, with great people.  The owner has been a family friend for years, and so has taken a personal interest in my safety as I begin to train again.  I guess he just doesn't want me passing out on the floor.  Chances are, if I didn't have that type of person, I would do just that because I would push myself so hard!
My whole life has been dictated by physical successes and talents.  I have always taken impeccable care of my body.  So when the chemo treatments started, I couldn't really exercise the way I wanted.  So I stopped.  DUMB MISTAKE!!!  I wish that I would have kept more active.  Who knows if that would have helped me with the lung stuff so I wouldn't have had to do prednisone.  But too late now.  Moral of the story...STAY ACTIVE!
When I started prednisone, my body composition changed quickly and dramatically.  I look at myself in the mirror, and wonder who that marshmallow man is.  It's quite shocking to me!

This picture is right at the beginning of chemo.  The picture to the right is at the beginning of prednisone, about 6 weeks into it.  Can you see the difference?  And this isn't even bad yet!  I am told it's going to get much larger!  But hey, as long as I can breathe, I can handle this for a while.

But it's great to be back doing something physical.  Thanks Jim!!!

There's Something Right

When I was 14, our church youth group participated in the Special Olympics, help in New Haven, CT.  It was an incredible experience, and one that changed my life.  For three days, we were asked to be the loudest cheering section possible, serve drinks, and let the athletes know that we were proud of them.
Today at school, I got another taste of it.  I was with the Special Education kids today.  I just sat and watched and listened.  They are so kind to eachother, so forgiving, and so loving.  They laughed together.  They sang together.  They hugged.  They high fived.  It was great.
At the end of the day, we were invited down to the catering rooms for a Halloween party.  The students were so kind and helpful to the special ed kids.  "Normal" kids who you would think that they thought that they were too good and too cool for all that, played corn hole with them, drew pictures, and made crafts.  It was a great experience.
Cancer is tough.  But, so it down syndrome, and autism, and not being able to speak, or walk, or hear, or see!  How blessed we all are!  These people are happy!  They think there is nothing wrong with them.  Why shouldn't we think the same?!?!  Why aren't we that strong in our trials?!?!

This Is Who I Am

Things are starting to sink in that I am just about done with chemotherapy.  Miranda spoke to the legal counsel at her work, who happens to also be a cancer survivor.  She said that he said something interesting.  He said that from now on, my life would never be the same.  This is now who I am.  I am a cancer survivor.  It is a brand that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Not one that i wanted, but one that i am certainly grateful for.

Happy Birthday

Yes, today is Ryan and my birthday.  How do I celebrate it?  By recovering from chemotherapy a few days before!  I am now 30, and I never thought that i would be doing this, let alone at such a young age!  So not the funnest way to celebrate, but I am getting better with each treatment and each infusion.  So I am happy!

It Starts in the Heart

I woke up early this morning (3 am) thanks to the prednisone.  So I decided to make used of my time and study the scriptures.  I learned a valuable lesson this morning.  In the Book of Mormon, the prophet Alma teaches us about pride in th fourth chapter of his book.  In the fifth chapter, he gives us the formula to eliminate pride.  CHANGE!!!  it's the ability to look at yourself honestly, and ask the life probing questions, "How am I doing?  What can I do better?"  This change has to start in the HEART! 
Pride is an interesting thing.  It is manifested by the people on top looking down with the "holier than thou" attitude; the people on the bottom looking up withe the "you think you're cooler than me" mind set.  But that is people to people pride.  What about person to affliction pride.  How many of us have asked the question, "What did I do to deserve this?"  It is the question that says that you are too good for the trial given you.
Are any of us too good for a trial?  Even the Savior Himself explained that all trials are for our good.  He suffered for us; for not only our sins and mishaps, but also our physical imperfections, infirmities, anguishes, and anxieties.  Are we better than He who was perfect? 
Pride is the great prisoner.  Pride is the limiter.  It's the reason for all unneeded suffering. 
Change gives us liberty from Satan.  it gives us the opportunity to learn and grow.
There is a reason for our suffering and trials.  If you find yourself wallowing in self pity, CHANGE!!  It starts in your heart.  Choose to be happy!

Back to Chemo

I had chemo today.  It's been a long time.  But it was great.  We met with Dr. Lee, and we scheduled it out so that my last chemo treatment will be in one month!  So we have an end date for this part of the fight.  then i will get a PET Scan to make sure that everything is clear, and then I will get the mediport out of my chest.  And Dr. Lee said that all this could be done before Thanksgiving.  So...
TURKEY BOWL HERE I COME!!