Funeral Robert Russell Robertson

Today was Grandad's funeral.  Beautiful ceremony, honoring the man whom we all loved and respected.  Miranda and I sang together "I Know that My Redeemer Lives."  Mom accompanied us.
I never realized how much I love music until recently.  Because of the lung damage and prednisone, I was not able to sing the way I usually can (which isn't the greatest anyway, but I can hold a note or two!).  I feel as if it's almost been taken from me, but I am able to keep just enough.  Almost as a tease.  You older athletes know what I am talking about.  Your body and head think about what you could do when you were younger.  But when you go out to play right now, and try to execute "fundamental things," you fall flat on your face, or don't do it like you used to.  That is how I felt today.  So boo to prednisone for that, but yeah for helping me live.
As part of the ceremony, we were able to take part in the Military respects of the 16 gun salute, bugles, bag pipes, the whole nine yards.  It was inspirational.

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! No matter what language it is in (and those happen to be the only two I know) it's the same feeling! What a wonderful time. I am grateful to be around to see this Christmas; to be with Miranda, to be with my family. And to make it all the more special, we had a great Christmas gift from the heavens...SNOW!! Yes, Yes, I am not one that likes snow all that much. Living in Connecticut for 13 years, Idaho for five, and Canada for two, I have seen my fair share of snow. But there is something about in on Christmas that makes Miranda call it "magical." I would have to say that I agree!

this year for Christmas, Miranda's parents took us all to see The Lion King at the Chrysler. The Touring Broadway company was in Norfolk, VA. it was amazing, and so much fun to see. I saw it on Broadway, and it was so great to be able to see it again.

 

What a wonderful day!  

As if customary on Christmas, may I offer each of you a gift.  It's not much, but the most invaluable gift I can give, especially to people like us that are in need of special blessings.  I pray the God of Heaven to send His happiness and joy this Christmas season to fill your heart and home as it has mine.  May this Christmas be a different one for you, realizing the great gift it is to be alive!  But most important, may we always remember the great gift of God's Only Begotten Son, even Jesus Christ, through whom we may live this life in happiness and hope, but also live again forever.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Granddad Robertson

Yesterday we said "So long" to a good man.  He was a decorated Captain in the Navy, a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and a great man.  Captain Robert Russell Robertson passed on from this life last night.  He will be sorely missed by his wife, children, grandchildren, and all that knew him.  He was surrounded by those closest to him as he peacefully passed on.  I am blessed to be one of those.
Experiences like this really make me think about the fragility of mortality.  It's incredible to realize how at one moment everything is great, and then the next moment is the last.  We don't know when or why.  And so the moral of the story?  This is what we have!  Whether you believe in a life after death or not, one thing is certain.  This is the only "life" that we have.  Live it.  Enjoy it.  Be happy.  Love.  Help.  Experience.

First Haircut

Yes, it is true.  Your hair does grow back, and it grows back differently than before.  My hair is curlier than before, and I think it will be close to the same color, but maybe a bit darker.  We will have to see with that one.

Disappointment, then Encouragement

Well, bad news first.  I went to Dr Hubbard today.  We were talking about finally taking out this dang mediport from my chest.  Well, it turns out that prednisone compromises my ability to heal.  That being the case, they don't want a simple procedure to potentially turn into a stay at the hospital.  So they aren't going to take it out until I am off the meds.  NOT FUN!!!


But tonight was great.  It was our church congregation Christmas party, and it was so fun.  I was asked to be Santa's helper.  I sware I must have looked just like him, thanks to this medication.  Rosy cheeks, big tummy, etc.  It was a great experience.  The children were so excited.  Thanks Santa for asking me to help!
These are two of my elves that helped!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

What a great day!  A time set apart to remember everything for which we are thankful.  Unfortunately, sometimes this is the ONLY time that we remember.  But one is better than none.
We spent Thanksgiving with Miranda's parents and company that came over there.  It was a great time, full of food, and more food.  And being on prednisone, this was NOT good for me.  I ate, and ate, and ate, and couldn't stop eating!  Most people would say that it's okay, and we are supposed to do that around the holidays.  But this was just out of control!
Of course we had the annual Turkey Bowl.  I went out to be with everyone, but really didn't play.  With the power port still in my chest, and the effects of the medication I am still on, I couldn't do much more than be the all time center.  But it was still fun to be out there with everyone and breathe the air.
On this day, I find myself being thankful for the smallest things, the things that we almost always overlook.  I am thankful that I can breathe!  I am thankful that my lungs can fill with air and function properly.
I am grateful that I am alive to see days like this.  I am grateful that my heart is still beating and my body is still fighting.
What a wonderful day it has been!

PMS Pills

Now, I am beginning to have the full experience of what it's like being a woman.  Not fun, in my opinion.  If you noticed the pictures from the party, I am quite a bit more plump than usual.  That's because I am taking a steroid called Prednisone.  I need it to, quite literally, stay alive.  I had some complications from chemo that damaged my lungs.  So the prednisone is helping to clear that up as best as possible.
But the side effects are not fun!  Weight gain, moodiness, anger, sleepy, pain... and I have no control over it whatsoever!  Not fun at all.  I can't wait to get off this stuff.

No Chemo Party

Tonight was great fun!  Miranda put together a party for me, celebrating the completion of chemotherapy.  We just had a small group of family and friends over for hot dogs, a bonfire, and just good fun!

Now, the disclaimer.  Here are some photos.  I know I didn't get everyone that came to the party.  Some pictures have just a spouse or kid there, and I wasn't able to get the whole family.  That doesn't mean that I forgot about you, and don't appreciate your encouragement, love, and support during this time.  It just means that I didn't get a picture of you because I didn't have a camera ready!

That being said...

 Janet Price, Debbie Ferguson, Mom

Jaura, Nicole Johnson, Natalie Johnson, Megan Johnson, Camille Bunnell

 Will Cummings

Missy Cummings, Bobby Cummings

Grace Schlosser

 Camille Bunnell, Megan Johnson, Natalie Johnson, Nicole Johnson, Laura (Brock is in there somewhere)

 Hank Ferguson, Leroy Stubbs, Darlene Stubbs

 Dawn Sciavolino

 Laurie Miller, Melody Fisher

 Garrett Fisher, Fabriena

 Miranda, Kate Andrews, Bonnie Andrews, Joel Andrews

 Emma y Samantha

 Spencer, Heather, Parker

 Ryan Sasse, Julie Sasse, Andrew Greenstreet, Brooke Greenstreet, Emma Greenstreet

 Greg

Matt, Jeff Johnson

 Matt, Jeff Johnson

 Randall Fisher, Garrett Fisher

 Julia, Chi Chi (Dad)

 Greg, Kara Jones, Karen Miller, Maddie Cummings

 Jim Arnold, Jack Arnold

me

 me, Miranda

 Emma Greenstreet

me, Miranda, Emma Greenstreet, Brooke Greenstreet (Brooke's husband, Mike, is off on deployment serving our country.  We missed him, but sincerely appreciate his service for us and for our country!)

heather, Spencer, Samantha, Matt, Parker, Emma, Warren

Baby and Surprise

No, we are not announcing a surprise baby!!!  Today Miranda and I went to Richmond for the baby blessing of Joel Brockbank "Brock" McIntyre.  What a special event.  It was fun to be almost all together (Ryan was the only one not there.  That seems to be a common trend.  Ryan, MOVE BACK!!).

During the time together, my family gave Miranda and me an amazing gift.  They have eached pitched in and bought us a vacation!  AMAZING!!

With the year that we have just been through, we certainly need it!  Starting from the miscarriage and going through the cancer and everything that came with those events, we need some time to not have to worry about anything!!!  We needed some time for just us.  And we are getting it!  Not quite sure where we are going to go, but I am sure that it will look something like this...

Thanks so much guys!  We love you and are grateful for your support and excitement for us!

THE FINAL DAY

Everyone has been asking if I am ready.  OF COURSE I AM!!!  Who wouldn't be ready for...

THE FINAL DAY OF CHEMOTHERAPY!!!!!!

Honestly, it was bitter sweet.  I have made so many life long friends there.  They are kind of like my old missionary companions.  I will probably never see them again, nor speak with them, but they are close to my heart all the time.  I love them.  They are some of my best friends because of the special bond that we share together.

There are so many people that I know deserve so much credit.  Tops on the list, of course, my beautiful wife, Miranda.  She has been my anchor through it all.  My family and friends, and those I don't even know that have been praying for me.  What an incredible support system I have had.  The doctors at Virginia Oncology Associates, the nurses (Noura in particular).  I have been so blessed.  The Lord Jesus Christ, before His crucifixion, told His apostles, "I will not leave you comfortless" as He promised them the companionship of the Holy Ghost.  Indeed, He has not left me comfortless!

Here is process that I went through for six months...

1.  I go to the "Vampire Cave" to get my blood taken by Laura and Jaime.  Always so happy.  I will always remember as I walked out from getting my blood taken, Jaime would say in her wonderful New York accent, "Be blessed."

  At the beginning of all this, they were able to take my blood without using the rubber tube because I had such great vascularity.  Well, as you can see, it's quite a different story.  I always bled fast.  I hope I never get shot!!

2.  I go to the back room, find a nice comfortable recliner and wait for Noura, my nurse.  She gets all the supplies, and then comes and sprays my chest with a very cold numbing spray so I don't feel the prick of the needles that are about to sit in my chest for two and half hours.  Here Noura is pushing the needle into my mediport.  Doesn't sound like fun, but I got used to it. 

And here is the end result.  That little yellow looking butterfly thing that some say is cute is the instrument they used to slowly kill me every other week for six months!  Not so pretty and sweet anymore!  But it saved my life, so you win some, you lose some.

3.  I quickly assume position - recline, blanket, relax.  Miranda and I usually played UNO during the first 45 minutes to an hour or so, and then all of a sudden, what you see before you is how I would spend the rest of the time.  It's so weird.  I would be totally awake, and then all of the sudden, in the middle of a conversation or a game, I am totally gone!

As Miranda and I walked out of the chemo appointment, I stopped in the middle of the parking lot, and with what strength I had, lifted my hands high in the air, and screamed at the top of my lungs, "I AM DONE!!!"

Back to the GYM

It certainly has been a long time!  And my body is feeling it now!  But it is so good to get in the gym and sweat again!  I am going to a local facility, Jim's Gym.  It's a great place, with great people.  The owner has been a family friend for years, and so has taken a personal interest in my safety as I begin to train again.  I guess he just doesn't want me passing out on the floor.  Chances are, if I didn't have that type of person, I would do just that because I would push myself so hard!
My whole life has been dictated by physical successes and talents.  I have always taken impeccable care of my body.  So when the chemo treatments started, I couldn't really exercise the way I wanted.  So I stopped.  DUMB MISTAKE!!!  I wish that I would have kept more active.  Who knows if that would have helped me with the lung stuff so I wouldn't have had to do prednisone.  But too late now.  Moral of the story...STAY ACTIVE!
When I started prednisone, my body composition changed quickly and dramatically.  I look at myself in the mirror, and wonder who that marshmallow man is.  It's quite shocking to me!

This picture is right at the beginning of chemo.  The picture to the right is at the beginning of prednisone, about 6 weeks into it.  Can you see the difference?  And this isn't even bad yet!  I am told it's going to get much larger!  But hey, as long as I can breathe, I can handle this for a while.

But it's great to be back doing something physical.  Thanks Jim!!!

There's Something Right

When I was 14, our church youth group participated in the Special Olympics, help in New Haven, CT.  It was an incredible experience, and one that changed my life.  For three days, we were asked to be the loudest cheering section possible, serve drinks, and let the athletes know that we were proud of them.
Today at school, I got another taste of it.  I was with the Special Education kids today.  I just sat and watched and listened.  They are so kind to eachother, so forgiving, and so loving.  They laughed together.  They sang together.  They hugged.  They high fived.  It was great.
At the end of the day, we were invited down to the catering rooms for a Halloween party.  The students were so kind and helpful to the special ed kids.  "Normal" kids who you would think that they thought that they were too good and too cool for all that, played corn hole with them, drew pictures, and made crafts.  It was a great experience.
Cancer is tough.  But, so it down syndrome, and autism, and not being able to speak, or walk, or hear, or see!  How blessed we all are!  These people are happy!  They think there is nothing wrong with them.  Why shouldn't we think the same?!?!  Why aren't we that strong in our trials?!?!

This Is Who I Am

Things are starting to sink in that I am just about done with chemotherapy.  Miranda spoke to the legal counsel at her work, who happens to also be a cancer survivor.  She said that he said something interesting.  He said that from now on, my life would never be the same.  This is now who I am.  I am a cancer survivor.  It is a brand that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Not one that i wanted, but one that i am certainly grateful for.

Happy Birthday

Yes, today is Ryan and my birthday.  How do I celebrate it?  By recovering from chemotherapy a few days before!  I am now 30, and I never thought that i would be doing this, let alone at such a young age!  So not the funnest way to celebrate, but I am getting better with each treatment and each infusion.  So I am happy!

It Starts in the Heart

I woke up early this morning (3 am) thanks to the prednisone.  So I decided to make used of my time and study the scriptures.  I learned a valuable lesson this morning.  In the Book of Mormon, the prophet Alma teaches us about pride in th fourth chapter of his book.  In the fifth chapter, he gives us the formula to eliminate pride.  CHANGE!!!  it's the ability to look at yourself honestly, and ask the life probing questions, "How am I doing?  What can I do better?"  This change has to start in the HEART! 
Pride is an interesting thing.  It is manifested by the people on top looking down with the "holier than thou" attitude; the people on the bottom looking up withe the "you think you're cooler than me" mind set.  But that is people to people pride.  What about person to affliction pride.  How many of us have asked the question, "What did I do to deserve this?"  It is the question that says that you are too good for the trial given you.
Are any of us too good for a trial?  Even the Savior Himself explained that all trials are for our good.  He suffered for us; for not only our sins and mishaps, but also our physical imperfections, infirmities, anguishes, and anxieties.  Are we better than He who was perfect? 
Pride is the great prisoner.  Pride is the limiter.  It's the reason for all unneeded suffering. 
Change gives us liberty from Satan.  it gives us the opportunity to learn and grow.
There is a reason for our suffering and trials.  If you find yourself wallowing in self pity, CHANGE!!  It starts in your heart.  Choose to be happy!

Back to Chemo

I had chemo today.  It's been a long time.  But it was great.  We met with Dr. Lee, and we scheduled it out so that my last chemo treatment will be in one month!  So we have an end date for this part of the fight.  then i will get a PET Scan to make sure that everything is clear, and then I will get the mediport out of my chest.  And Dr. Lee said that all this could be done before Thanksgiving.  So...
TURKEY BOWL HERE I COME!!

Bad News

I got called down to the office today at school.  Apparently, some of the parents don't think I am at school enough to help their kids (I miss two days out of the month to recover from chemo), and so called up to the school and complained.  So Mrs. Turner asked me to step down as the Spanish teacher, but stay on as one of the long term substitute teachers.  So I will still go to school everyday, but not be teaching Spanish anymore after next week.
i am sad about that.  I have enjoyed teaching.  But I can understand the concern of the parents.  I am just so close to being done with my treatments!  And it's just disappointing that the parents can't bare with me while I finish up.

17 Nov 2010

CT Scan today.  That means drinking that nasty contrast drink.  But Matt thinks I am so lucky because now I am radioactive.  So I can be picked up by satellite and stuff like that.  Very Jack Ryan CIA stuff!  How cool am I!!  ACtually, just a sip of this stuff and you will know how not cool this is!!!

Happy Birthday Miranda!

What a special day!  Miranda is the most important person in my life.  I am so grateful that she is 

my wife.  I am grateful for her strength, support, encouragment, and love.  She has been 

amazing through this whole trial of cancer.  She fights for me when I can't.  She keeps the 

doctor's appointments on the calender.  She knows what pills I can take and when.  

She encourages me to take care of myself as much as I can. 

I love you Miranda!  Have a wonderful day!!!!

Kick the Chemo party

WOW am I tired!!!  But we just ended the funnest night.  Miranda put together a huge party and invited family and friends to the Robertson's house for another night of happy celebrating and thanksgiving.  Greg made a huge bonfire in the back yard, and all the children loved it!
Now, let me make a disclaimer.  There were lots of people there.  I know that I didn't get pictures of everyone, and I am so sorry that I didn't!  In fact, I think that's another great reason to have another party!  So if I missed you, please accept my apology and appreciation.  Also, I have pictures of spouses and/or kids.  The whole family was there, but I just wasn't able to get everyone together.  So some families are represented by a child or a spouse!

Will Cummings

Miss Cummings, Grace Schlosser, Bobby Cummings

Janet Price, Debbie Ferguson, Mom

Laura, Nicole Johnson, Natalie Johnson, Megan Johnson, Camille Bunnell

Laura, Nicole, Natalie, Megan, Camille

Laurie Miller, Melody Fisher

Dawn Sciavolino

Darlene Stubbs, Leroy Stubbs, Hank Ferguson

Garrett Fisher

Fabriena

Miranda, Katie Andrews, Bonnie Andrews, Joel Andrews

Samantha Dudley, Emma Dudley

no idea?  Any Identification?

Parker Dudley, Spencer Dudley

Heather Dudley

Jeff Johnson, Matt Dudley

Greg

Ryan Sasse, Julie Sasse

Andrew Greenstreet, Brooke Greenstreet, Emma Greenstreet

Greg, Kara Jones, Karen Miller, Maddie Cummings

Garrett Fisher, Randall Fisher

Julia McIntyre, Chi Chi Dudley

Jim Arnold, Jack Arnold, me

Emma Greenstreet

me, Miranda, Andrew Greenstreet, Brooke Greenstreet.  

Husband, Mike Greenstreet, was deployed serving our country as a helicopter pilot.  We missed you Mike!  Thank you for your service!

Dudley Family

Heather, Spencer, Samantha, Matt, Parker, Emma, Warren

Thank you to everyone for making is a great and special celebration!!!