Thoughts

well, I knew that it would happen eventually.  I am just glad that it didn't last but a second.  I am feeling horrible today, and started thinking about October, and how far away that is.  then the thought entered my mind...
"is this all worth it?  Is this constant feeling like crap really worth it?"
Of course the answer is yes!  Like Miracle Max asks in The Princess Bride, "What do you got that's worth living for?"  Wesley's answer, "true love."
There is so much to live for.  I am ashamed that I let myself even think about this for a second.  But I am human.  I am not going to pretend that this isn't tough on Miranda and me.  But a lot of doctors have told me about studies done that prove the power of a positive attitude.  those that don't want to fight are more apt to lose.  those that think that it's not worth it will not beat it.
I am not that person.  I know that it's worth it!  Life is worth fighting for!  Love is worth fighting for!  So, is it all worth it?  The answer, an unequivocal YES!!!

Chemo and Goodbye

Well, today was bittersweet.  for anyone that has had a physical problem that requires constant contact with a few people, you realize how close you feel to them in a short amount of time, even though you don't know much about that person.  One group of people that falls under this catergory are the good nurses and doctors.  they are probably, behind a spouse and other family members, the most important support group that we have.  they are the ones that answer all the questions, give us the medicine, and watch over us in the most detailed way.  They pay attention to the things that we can't understand.  They prepare for years for us to walk through their doors, asking them to help us!  They clean up our messes when the medicine gets the best of us.  They do whatever it takes to make us comfortable and happy.  They really spoil us, and I am grateful for that!

This is my nurse, Allison.  This was her last day, as she is moving to North Carolina.  She has been amazing.  She has answered every single question that Miranda and i have had, which are many!  She has been so patient, and kind, and understanding.  She has sat with us and talked as I was "hooked up" getting poisoned.  She would spend time with Miranda on the phone, answering questions from the crazy to the personal!

We are really going to miss her.  thanks Allison for everything!

Canterbury Medal Dinner

What a fun day!  Miranda and I spent time with Sandra, Josh, and the kids.  We did singing time, and and play time (even though Ava doesn't look all that happy with the game she is playing!), and then of course, a baseball lesson for Mr. Davis, with "Dorothy" and "Short Cake" looking on!  We had so much fun!

then it was time to go the event!  And as I thought, we had a unique opportunity.  At the dinner, we were able to meet, and take a picture with Elders Quentin L Cook and M Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.  They were very gracious to Miranda and me as we spoke to them for a few moments.  

the man at the top of the collage is Mr. Kevin "Seamus" Hasson, founder and president of The Becket Fund For Religious Liberty.  He is an exceptional man who believes and fights for people's right to worship as they feel.

The Canterbury Medal Dinner is the annual fundraiser for the firm where they honor one person who has fought extraordinarily for religious liberty.  They raise funds because the firm is a not-for-profit law firm, and they survive through donations.  It is an amazing organization, filled with amazing people.

So the night was amazing.  Miranda...isn't she beautiful?

I am so grateful that I had the energy to do this weekend.  I can definitely feel myself tiring out very quickly, and I know when even is enough.  But sometimes, with events such as this, I just go on pure adrenaline.  Sometimes i think that God created adrenaline just for me so I could survive weekends like this, and enjoy them!

Canterbury Medal Day

WOW! i am tired. But what an amazing day. Miranda and I came up to DC for a work function. The annual Canterbury Medal Dinner is tomorrow night, and today was the tour of the Capitol. It was an amazing experience to walk around the city and take in some of the historical sites and learn about our great country. We visited the Library of Congress, including Thomas Jefferson's library. How impressive!

We were also priviledged to get a special tour of the Capitol Building by Congressman Chris Smith. He was a gracious host, and a kind man. he took us into the room where Congress meets, and told a humbling story. Former Speaker Newt Gingrich was hosting a tour with foreign diplomats and journalists, most of which were from Communist countries. As they entered that same room, one of the guests sat down in the chair of the Speaker of the House. You just don't do that! it's not proper. So, Gingrich told him he couldn't sit there. Before he got up, the journalist said, "I hve sat at the center of freedom."

What an amazing statement. How often we forget that our contry is the center of freedom! What a great responsibility that places on our shoulders as countrymen and individuals!

I have certainly been pushed the limits as far as my energy goes. But it was well worth it! tomorrow will be much of the same, and I am hoping that there will be something extra special tomorrow at the dinner...

Chemo #2

Well, it happened.  I got number two today.  My counts were still low, but they gave it to me anyway.  So far, it has not been pleasant, but we will see where it takes me.  I have total confidence in Dr. Lee.  I know that he wouldn't have given it to me if he didn't think I could handle it.  So we will see what happens...

Exercise

For my last birthday, my in laws gave me a work out program, P90X.  It is amazing!  I have been a workout-aholic since I was about 16 years old.  I have done sports my whole life, but started lifting weights at about 16.  So a gift like this was perfect!
As I have lived with Josh and Sandra in DC, Josh and I have gotten up early every morning to do P90X together.  It has really done some amazing things!  It's a three month program, focusing on all aspects of fitness, including strength, flexibility, cardiovascular, and endurance.  It's hard, but fun!
Today was the first day that I tried to do some exercise since being diagnosed (Josh and I actually finished the three month cycle the day I found out I had cancer).  I tell you what, I feel horrible.  I told myself to take it easy, which I did.  But the drugs that I have going through my system make it difficult to breath, and thus my heart rates speeds up, and doesn't come back down for a while.  I turn pale and feel like I am about to pass out.
So all those people who think they can continue working out as hard as they have been, let me warn you...
DON'T DO IT!!!  Continue to exercise, YES.  But don't go crazy!  Be safe!

I Wonder...

Yesterday was a good day.  I felt energized and capable.  I felt optimistic and energetic.

Today was a tough day.  All the fun yesterday is taking its toll on me today.  

I wonder if this is what Christ felt like when He was performing the Atonement.  I wonder if He ever got a "breather," just a moment to relax, collect Himself, and gear up for another round.  Did He get a chance to catch His breath?  Or did He suffer constantly, with no hope for a break?  If He did have a break, was it harder to start back up again?  Did He ever think, "Ok, here we go again?"  Or were His thoughts, "Let's just do this and get it over with?"

Whatever they were, I am grateful.  I just wonder...