Ringing the Bell

As is senior tradition at the College of William and Mary, all the graduating seniors are invited to enter the Wren chapel, one of the oldest buildings on campus. There, they ring the bell, signifying their success as a student and the accomplishment of graduation. Miranda and i went up there so she could participate in the ceremony. One by one, we watched some very intoxicated people ring the bell. It was quite humorous.

Eventually, it was Miranda's turn. With all her might, and weight, she pulled on that rope, and heard the bell chime! She had done it. The ceremony of her graduation has begun. now there was just one thing left...Graduation itself.

For Good

As many of you know, music is a very important part of our family. Mom asked Ryan and i one day what our fondest memories were growing up. She thought for sure it would be sports related. However, we both said that our fondest memories were when the whole family was together around the piano, and we were singing.

Miranda and i had a great experience. We went up to Washington, DC to be with my family (minus Ryan and his family, and Jason and some of the kids) to hear Sandra sing and speak at the Washington DC Temple Visitor Center. We arrived there in time to have dinner as a family and make some plans. It was the first time that I had seen some of them since "The Announcement." It was good to be back there. I lived with Josh and Sandra for several months as I worked in DC, and so it was kind of like going home for me. How I loved being with them. Yes, I missed my sweet heart terribly, but i loved getting to know Josh, Sandra, and the kids more.As many of you know, music is a very important part of our family. Mom asked Ryan and i one day what our fondest memories were growing up. She thought for sure it would be sports related. However, we both said that our fondest memories were when the whole family was together around the piano, and we were singing.

Miranda and i had a great experience. We went up to Washington, DC to be with my family (minus Ryan and his family, and Jason and some of the kids) to hear Sandra sing and speak at the Washington DC Temple Visitor Center. We arrived there in time to have dinner as a family and make some plans. It was the first time that I had seen some of them since "The Announcement." It was good to be back there. I lived with Josh and Sandra for several months as I worked in DC, and so it was kind of like going home for me. How I loved being with them. Yes, I missed my sweet heart terribly, but i loved getting to

 Josh, Sandra, and the kids more.

As Miranda and I walked in the door, little Ava, Sandra and Josh's oldest daughter, ran up to me, ready to jump into my arms. Then she stopped. She looked up at me and said, "I am not going to give you a hug. I know that you are sick." Broke my heart, but I had to laught because it was just too funny.

Ella, their youngest and who I lovingly dubbed "Shortcake" for a pair of strawberry shortcake pj's she has, just looked at me and grinned widely.

Davis was asleep, but I actually received permission from the parents to wake him up for dinner. So I went into his room, and woke him. When he saw me, he smiled and screamed, "Robby!" For those that know me, I am a push over when it comes to kids. they are the only ones allowed to call me that.

The big reason that we went to DC was to hear Sandra sing. It was great. I always love hearing her share her talent and motivation. She and Josh had their own unique trial, which has made them so powerful in testimony, and such amazing parents!

  

One of the songs in Sandra's presentation is called "For Good" from the Broadway musical hit, "Wicked." amazing play for those who haven't seen it yet! This song is done by Elfaba (Wicked Witch of the West) and Galinda the Good Witch about their unique friendship. Laura, my little sister, sings with Sandra in this song. it's all about how they have influenced each other's lives for good.

While they sang, I began to cry. I have heard them sing this song several times. I have heard it on the original sound track, and on stage by Off Broadway performers. Never had I cried.

I think it was because of what is going on with me right now. The most important thing to me in life are relationships. My sweet wife, Miranda; my loving family; my amazing friends old and new; people that I don't know who express encouragement and support. I have been blessed with such wonderful relationships. Everyone has touched my life and has influenced me for good. I realized that when Sandra and Laura were singing. I am not even going to try and name all of you.

I look back and appreciate more the wonderful people in my life. to all that read this, thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for being a part of my battle. To you, it may not seem like you have done much. But to me, you are part of my world, my triumph over cancer, and my new life. "Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

MTC DAY 2010

Well, this is one of the highlights of my year! It took a little bit to get here, but it was amazing. Here's what happened...

Earlier yesterday, I met my oncologist, Dr. Lee at Virginia Oncology Associates in VA Beach. He came highly recommended, and now I know why. He is a great man; very kind, very smart, and empathetic. He himself has battled cancer.

When we walked out of the office (Miranda and my father came), things really started sinking in for me. I finally realized that I had cancer. Before, I think subconsciously that I just had a cold that would last a little longer than usual. But now that I had a game plan that involved chemotherapy treatments, I realized that this was more serious than the cold. So I got a little nervous. But Miranda was wonderful and comforting as we drove away.

And this is where we went...

MTC Day 2010

This is really one of the highlights of my year. I have been the Young Men President for about three years now. One of the activities that we have begun focuses on missionary work. We attempt to give the young men, ages 12-18, a taste of what life is like as a missionary. it's a challenge that produces great rewards for those who come prepared to learn and work (which I am happy to say most do).

We began last night at the church building with an introduction orientation of what was expected of the young men. The parents are invited to attend as we also listen to guest speakers. The speakers this year were the bishops of the two congregations in the area, Bishop Tim Nickerson and Bishop Greg Robertson (who happens to be my father in law). Their messages were inspiring, and the perfect way to begin the event.

After they were done, we invited the parents to leave, just like they would in the MTC, and the young men were left with us. They received a little more orientation, received their companionship assignments, and then we all went to my in laws home down the street to get ready for bed. While we were there, I informed the young men of my congregation, with whom I had spent countless hours over the past three years, of my condition. They were all very surprised, and supportive. They began immediately planning a pizza party when they would shave their heads in support of my new trial. It was very touching!

We began early this morning, just like the misisonaries. We woke up the boys at 6 am, and got them ready for exercise. After that, we all went back to the house, got ready for the day, did the breakfast thing, and the young men studied with their remaining time.

We then walked back up to the church and began the day of training. We had great classes planned with superb teachers. The full time missionaries taught the young men about Preach My Gospel, the manual they use to help them study and teach. President Ron Bennion, former mission president in Guatemala taught about the Apostasy. President and Sister Craig Merrill, former mission presidents in France, taught about the Restoration. My mother in law taught practical skills, ranging from hygiene to sewing to table manners. We then arranged for the young men 16-18 to go out with the full time missionaries and put into practice what they learned. They knocked on doors, they taught lessons, they visited with families. The younger boys stayed at the church, where we had volunteers come in and act as "investigators" so they could have a chance to teach and practice as well. After that, my dad came in as the keynote speaker to close the event Saturday night.

During the day's events, we were invited to attend a baptism for Carolyn Jentolf. She has had much exposure to the church, working for Debbie Ferguson (a wonderful member of our ward), and working with Miranda (obviously wonderful) and Lisa Bunnell, another great member. It was my sacred privilege to perform the baptism for Carolyn. It was the first time that I had performed a convert baptism since serving my mission in Toronto, Ontario, Canada from 2000-2002. And I was grateful that the young men could witness the ordinance they will be performing on their mission, and watch the covenant that they will help people enter into with God.

At the end of the evening, we had a special testimony meeting. The parents were invited back to witness it, as their sons gave report on the weekend, and shared their feelings of Jesus Christ. The following experience is what makes everything worth it. One of my young men told us why he came to the MTC Day. Before he came, he made God a deal. He would come to this event, and give his best effort. If he felt that what he was doing was right, then he would go on a mission when the time came. If he felt nothing in his heart, then he would not go on a mission, nor would he come to church anymore. With tears in his eyes, he said, "Brothers and sisters, I am going on a mission."

It was an amazing experience. For me, with the recent diagnosis, it was an escape. It was a chance to, once again, forget about myself and focus on someone else. It was also a great time for reflection. I believe that trials are given to us for many reasons. One of those reasons is to teach us to become who we can become. It is the opportunity to stretch ourselves beyone what we could ever imagine. I have had time to think of the great learning and stretching opportunity that this cancer will give to me, and I can honestly say, that I am excited about it.

Robertson's Reaction

Well, this is kind of a funny story. My in laws, Greg and Fabriena, have been in Costa Rica celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary! They have been enjoying the sun, the surf, and relaxation without the rest of us! Miranda spoke to them just briefly I think one night. But other than that, there has been NO communication. So Greg and Fabriena have had no idea of what has been happening.

Well, they land in the United States, and Fabriena called the house to make sure everything was ok, and just to check in. After a few minutes of pleasantries, Miranda broke the news. She was going to wait until they got home, but she burst. Fabriena's reaction was a gasp, and then she turned to Greg and said, "Rob has cancer."

Greg's response, "Rob who?"

Glad I have made such a lasting impression in the family!

So tonight has been quite a shock for Greg and Fabriena, coming home exhausted and sun burnt, and finding out their son in law has cancer. So I managed to not only give Chi Chi an unforgettable birthday present, but Greg and Fabriena a late (or early depending on how you want to look at it) anniversary gift.

Schylar was just as supportive and great as everyone else. Of course, she knew what lymphoma was, and didn't tell me! But that's ok. She was super sensitive to what Miranda and i have been going through the past few days. She's really an amazing person; very caring towards other people. And at a time that Miranda and I needed comfort, she was right there.

Walking Miracle

Now, never would I ever dream of putting myself in the same class as the Man in the picture.  His majesty, power, and divinity are miracles that I can not understand.  The miracle of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the single greatest event in the history of the world, and the key to our happiness and hope.

I believe that since Christ produced that miracle for us, He has the ability and compassion to allow us to experience what it's like to be a miracle every once in a while.  Some miracles are as small as a smile to someone who needs encouragement; a phone call; a hug.  Some miracles are as large as saving someone's life.  Whatever the magnitude, miracles happen everyday.  of that, I am sure.

I was talking to Matt one day, and he is the one who made me realize that I have a chance to be a "walking miracle."  Not out of anything I have done, but because of the situation I am in, and the mercy of God.  Through His power and grace, I have full faith that I will be healed from cancer.  When that day comes, I can stand as a witness of His power in my life.  Many people die from this trial.  I am one that has been spared for whatever reason.  I will not waste it.  Every where I go, and in everything I do, I will remember what the Lord has done for me, and what He has now called me to do.

I will be a walking miracle and witness of the power of God, and that miracles happen everyday.

Surgery #1

 Dr. Tan performed the Biopsy surgery today. Obviously, things went well because I remember nothing of it! I was told that I was quite entertaining as I came out of the sedation, singing Jimmy Buffett, Jackson 5, and asking for doughnuts.

The quick diagnosis confirmed the suspicion of Dr Hubbard - hodkins lymphoma. The specific type is mixed cellularity. I am sure I will learn more about it as we continue down this road.

Out of the "Mouth" of Babes

Now, let me preface this by saying I love all my nieces and nephews dearly. they are some of the most important people in my life. When their parents told them that I have cancer, obviously they didn't quite understand. Most of them said, "Robbie is sick (yes, they call me Robbie, and they are the ONLY ones that are allowed to do that). And we need to say very special prayers for him." Faithfully, they have done so.

This experience is with my special friend, Emma. She is Matt and Heather's oldest daughter. Miranda and I went to Matt and Heather's for a barbeque with Mom and Chi Chi. It was a Fast Sunday, and so we planned on finishing together. When we arrived, Emma gave me a picture that she had made with some cute Get Well cards the kids made. As I read them, Samantha runs up to me and says, "Emma fasted three times!" I didn't quite understand what that meant.

Then Heather and I sat in the kitchen and she explained to me that Warren and Emma had decided to fast for the full 24 hours because of my cancer. This was Emma's first time fasting for the full time. So I found Emma and talked to her about it. This is how she explained what she did...

"So Mommy and Daddy said they were going to fast for you. They didn't eat dinner last night. And guess what? I forgot to eat too. And then they didn't eat breakfast. And guess what? I forgot to eat too! And then I forgot to eat lunch."

It was one of sweetest things I have ever heard. What a great lesson from a child! Simple faith that changes lives.

Happy Birthday Chi Chi! Guess what I have?...

April 16, 2010

Happy Birthday to Chi Chi!!!! Looks pretty good for knocking on the door of...well...I won't tell you how old because that is priviledged information! The lack of hair is NOT his fault! It's always hard to know what to get parents, especially when they have had such an impact on life as mine have. My father is my hero. He's Superman. He taught me baseball. He taught me to pray. He taught me as I made mistakes. He praised me in my successes.

So, what do you get the man that has shaped you? this year, I gave him a birthday present nobody will soon forget!

Miranda and I met with Dr. Hubbard, and learned a few things. I had several enlarged lymphnodes in my neck (already knew that). But there was a bulky mass in my chest, which may be what has caused my difficulty breathing for the past year! So to make a long conversation short in writing, Dr. Hubbard told me that I had lymphoma.

I didn't understand what that meant. But Miranda obviously did because she began to tear up. Then Dr. Hubbard began to get teary. He left the room to give us some privacy for a few minutes. Miranda and I discussed future plans and options, and then Dr. Hubbard came back in the room. We spoke for a little while, and then left.

We then began calling family. I called Ryan first, and told him. And then one by one, we got a hold of everyone on the Dudley side of the family. Just as I knew they would be, they were very supportive, encouraging, and everything that I hoped. Many offered to shave their heads to support me.

To be honest, even at this point, I didn't understand what lymphoma was. I thought that everyone was overreacting. I thought that I just had a cold that would last a little bit longer that usual. I had no idea it was something so serious.

That night, Miranda and I stayed at her parents' home because they were in Costa Rica celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, and we were house sitting and watching her two little sisters, Shelby and Riley. Miranda took Shelby upstairs and told her the news. I didn't want to tell Riley yet because I knew it would crush her. So while Miranda was talking to Shelby, I flipped on "House," one of those medical shows. Ironically enough, his patient that day was suffering from hodgkins lymphoma. So I thought that I better learn what that was before I let this show freak me out. I got on the internet, and googled lymphoma. The very first sentence I read was, "Lymphoma is a type of cancer."

I read it a few times. When it sank in, I ran upstairs, screaming for Miranda. I asked her why she didn't tell me because she obviously knew in the doctor's office what it was. She just hugged me.

So that is how I found out that I have cancer. It was a rude awakening. Now all the talk of shaving heads and chemotherapy made sense. As Miranda and I talked more about it, she reminded me of something very important. We hear of medical recoveries and miracles all the time that doctors can't explain. I was expecting that to happen to me. But Miranda reminded me that healing is not neccessarily an event, but a process. My process has begun.

The Beginning

JANUARY

I began working in Washington DC for The Becket Fund for Religious Liberty, a not for profit law firm, in their communication department.  I lived with Josh and Sandra and their three amazing children, Ava, Davis, and Ella.  I left Chesapeake early Monday morning, and stayed in DC until Friday, when I would drive back to Chesapeake to be with Miranda.

APRIL 14, 2010

Miranda had a business idea competition at school.  I drove down early to surprise her and support her.  As we walked around colonial Williamsburg together, I told her about a new discovery I made.  I found a lump in my neck on the right side, and a lump in my left breast.  She looked at it for a moment, and then said, "Go to the doctor tomorrow and get it looked at."
I hate doctors (no offense to any friends that are doctors).  They symbolized only bad for me.  They are the ones that told me I had to sit out a game, or a practice, or miss a few games.  They are the ones who made me not be able to play.  So they meant only bad news for me, and I refuse to go whenever I have the chance.  However, I didn't fight with her.  I just agreed.


APRIL 15, 2010

I was in the doctor.  I went to Patient First, and the doctor there said not to worry about the lump on my neck, but he was worried about the lump in my chest.  So he told me to go see a surgeon.
After called Miranda, I called Chi Chi (my dad).  He is a well respected businessman in the health care industry, and so knows lots of doctors.  He made a call and got me in to see Dr. Hubbard.
After a pleasant conversation with Dr. Hubbard, we got down to it.  He first looked at my chest, and quickly determined that it was nothing to be scared of.  However, he was intrigued by the lump on my neck.  He then suggested that I get a CAT Scan done.  So I did that.
Dr. Hubbard met Miranda and me at the hospital after the scan and we mapped out a game plan for the next few days.  We still have no idea what is going on, but I am sure that Dr. Hubbard knew.
I called my brother, Matt, after we got done with Dr. Hubbard.  Chi Chi and Mom were attending the wedding of the youngest daughter of our dear friends, the Toolsons, in Salt Lake City, Utah.  So I called Matt, and requested that he give me a blessing.  Without going into details that are special to me, I received special promises that have really lifted me during the tough times, and confirmed my feelings that I have had from the beginning; that this would not take my life, that I would be ok.  It was a special experience.
It was a very interesting day!

Here We Go...

If someone asked me, I would have to say that I have had a pretty good life thus far. I have been able to accomplish a lot of the goals I have made for myself. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends, and am married to the most wonderful woman!

But, life hardly turns out the way you expect it. That is what makes it so fun! And so hard! Never in all my life did I think I would be going through all of this. After all this time of taking care of my body, who would have thought that it would be the source of my greatest trial yet? Who would have thought that it would begin to fail me? Who thought by the age of 30, I would be thrown into this group of people? Who thought that I would be a cancer survivor?

Let me share with you my experience fighting cancer. It has not been easy on anyone, especially Miranda and myself. But the lessons that I have learned and the new appreciation with which I live has been invalueable to me, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  Now, consider yourself warned, the most important thing to me is my faith in a Supreme Being who is my loving Heavenly Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Many of my experiences are spiritual in nature.  I will not share them all, but there will be some.  However, I will also share life altering experiences that have changed my attitude about a great many things.  I will share tender experiences, humorous experiences, experiences that have made me cry, laugh, smile, and everything in between.
This is my story.

So strap in, and here we go...

Preparation

Now, before I begin with my story, I think it's appropriate to start here...

In January of 2009, Elder Richard G. Scott, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, came to Chesapeake, Virginia to preside and participate in Stake Conference. It was a remarkable experience to be taught by a special witness of Jesus Christ. He taught of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He shared insights. He shared his personal testimony of the divinity and reality of Jesus Christ and His atonement.

After the meetings of the weekend, my family, Miranda, and I had the unique priviledge of spending time with Elder Scott on a personal level. He came to my parents' home where we enjoyed lunch and conversation. Elder Scott took time to entertain the children with his artistry and creativity.

It was in his address on Sunday morning, however, that I learned the importance (again) of writing things down in a journal. During his talk, I made direct eye contact with him. He looked at me with those eyes that bore deep into the soul, and he told me (and everyone else there) to write down the things that I learn from the Spirit in order to show appreciation to the Lord for the things He teaches me. I felt that this message was directed at me.

Obviously, a year before my trial, I didn't understand why I had felt that way. Now, I do. I look back on my journey and am so grateful for the lessons that I have learned. More importantly, I am grateful that I have them written down so I can not only remember the details of my experiences in 100 years (yes, I am planning on getting really old!), but also so my great grandchildren can benefit from my experience. Just as Pres. Henry B. Eyring taught, the experiences that we have aren't for ourselves. We need to write them down.

I am grateful for that lesson.

Now, let's get into it...